Yes, I'll have some videos, and pictures, & some new shit I like every now & then . But Sorry Kiddos - this blog wont be about "what's hot, or new, or instyle" . It wont be center on celebrities & new shit coming out, because honestly I could give less of a fuck . This blog will be centered around my thoughts, my poems, my wishes, my dreams, and my escapes .

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

torn inbetween the two.?

Today I had a 16-hour phone conversation with my first love .

For the sake of it , let’s call him CARL* ( that’s not his real name ) .

So we’re talking about life, love , the pursuit of happiness & etc , etc .

Lemme give you some history on Carl . . We’ve been talking since 2oo4 . .

and we have many many many many many MANY memories . .

when we first met , electricity went through our bodies

and BOTH of us felt it . and it scared the fuck outta us .

I WAS 13 when I met him . . barely a teen .

Carl is a trip . He’s a player . He’s a bad boy . . . or at least he used to be .

Carl is telling me , that he’s changed . and I’ll always be his first love ,

he really wants to get back with me ,

and blablablabla ( add mushy game here ) .

Carl is EVERYTHING I want , but absolutely NOTHING I need . .

He’s not good for me .

But I just cannot help but to be so attracted to him .

Me & Carl have some crazy passion . CRAZY passion . .

I still love him , I can't deny that .

And then there’s Corey . Corey Harper .

He’s a greattt guy . without a doubt , he’s the best boyfriend I have ever had .

He treats me soo good . He’d give me the world , if he could .

He’s everything I NEED , but nothing I want .

I know Corey would never break my heart , intentionally .

While I know for sure, Carl will break my heart . That’s what he does . .

I miss Carl though

I miss his kisses,

His laughter,

His corny-ass jokes,

His burnt scrambled eggs .

His friendly ass dog “Snowball”

His eyebrows going up all the time

His tattoos

His hugs

His lips


I know what you’re thinking . .


But man , you can’t tell your heart how to feel .

And I just feel so STRONGLY for Carl .

But I have a feeling, that Carl only wants me ,

because he cant have me . .

and when/if he gets me ,

he'll just go back to his old ways .

I don’t know what to do .

Im WITH Corey .

That’s my boyfriend .

My lover . My BABY

Then why am I dying to feel Carl’s lips against mines.?

Why am I dying to be his , once again.?

Corey’s in Virginia

Carl’s 15 minutes away . .




  1. you have to be honest and you know that Carl will most likely break your heart! Plus, you have to put it into the perspective of what happened... I'm sure with in you were in and out of drama. Is that what you want?

    Or will you be a "carl" to Corey and break is heart!

    Maybe you shouldn't be with either until you know exactly what you want.

    It's not fair on Corey...

    Be honest and true!

  2. dont do anything stupid kc.
    you know that niggga corey loves you.
    and you dont wanna hoe him over a nigga that will most likely hoe you.