Yes, I'll have some videos, and pictures, & some new shit I like every now & then . But Sorry Kiddos - this blog wont be about "what's hot, or new, or instyle" . It wont be center on celebrities & new shit coming out, because honestly I could give less of a fuck . This blog will be centered around my thoughts, my poems, my wishes, my dreams, and my escapes .

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

9 months strong ; and counting . . .


"Fall To Pieces"

[Verse 1:]
I looked away
Then I look back at you
You try to say
The things that you can't undo
If I had my way
I'd never get over you
Today's the day
I pray that we make it through
Make it through the fall
Make it through it all

And I don't wanna fall to pieces
I just want to sit and stare at you
I don't want to talk about it
And I don't want a conversation
I just want to cry in front of you
I don't want to talk about it
Cuz I'm in Love With you

[Verse 2]

You're the only one,
I'd be with till the end
When I come undone
You bring me back again
Back under the stars
Back into your arms

And I don't wanna fall to pieces
I just want to sit and stare at you
I don't want to talk about it
And I don't want a conversation
I just want to cry in front of you
I don't want to talk about it
Cuz I'm in Love With you

Wanna know who you are
Wanna know where to start
I wanna know what this means
Wanna know how you feel
Wanna know what is real
I wanna know everything, everything

And I don't wanna fall to pieces
I just want to sit and stare at you
I don't want to talk about it
And I don't want a conversation
I just want to cry in front of you
I don't want to talk about it

I'm in love with you
Cuz i'm in love with you
I'm in love with you
I'm in love with you .

Monday, April 27, 2009

only once the drugs are done . . .

Fuck, I have alot to say .
But I dont want to say anything .
Every fucking time, I get happy .
Some shit comes, and fucks it all up .

why do i feel so alone ?

they dont know what to do ;
when im hurt, when im angry .

I have so much to say
but nobody to say it to
So i spill my heart in these blogs
and try to get this shit off my chest
a problem shared is a problem solved right?

Im probably fired from my job
Im probably never going to get over this dude
Im probably gunna have a crappy ass 18th Birthday
Im probably gunna cry myself to sleep tonight

what the fuck is that?
is that people that are supposed to always be there for you,
no matter what?
is that people you can always depend on,
no matter what?
Nahhhhh .
That;s the people who disappoint you the most
who are never there when you need them the most

Im tired of feeling like this .
Im tired of always doing for me .
I wish i had a moms who loved me
and a dad that spoiled me
Bitches be worried about boys & drama
I dont even have the leisure to worry about that shit
I gotta worry about my next motherfucking meal

I just wanna fly away
from all my problems & issues
I dont know what the fuck to do

Im slowly fading away . . . . . . .
so beyond the point of no return (*)

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Making The Band 4

Im watching my favorite show in the world right now ;
& Im so sad that it;s ending so I wanted to blog about it

Making the band 4 = Chicken Soup For My Soul
It;s more than JUST a show .
It's let us, the fans in .
It shows us that Hollywood aint what it seems .
That shit is hard work, and you gotta have tough skin .
It make;s Day 26 & DK, relatable .
They go through the same shit we all go through .
They fall in love, they fight, they cry, they laugh .
Day 26 , and this is REAL ASS TALK :
Is the MOST talented R&B group ive seen
since the likes of Jagged Edge, Boyz II Men, and etc .
They have such a beautiful sound .
And they are so funny ;
by watching the show -
I feel like they are my brothers
like they are my homeboys
When they laugh, i laugh
when they hurt, i hurt
when they cry, i cry
when they go through something,
I feel as if I, myself I am going through it
It;s a crazy connection .
They dont know my name
But theirs are sketched in my hearts

I hope I dont sound crazy ,
im just expressing my feelings is all .

Robert, ahh i love him so much .
He's a bizzy body ,
and can seem two faced at times
but his talent is UNDENIABLE
to me, he has the 2nd best vocals in the group

Mike, hes just sit back & doesnt get in any drama
but he;s so sweet & endearing
his voice , can move mountains

Brian, is my FAVORITE in the group
he has , hands down, THE best vocals in the group
he reminds me so much of myself,
passionate with a slight anger problem
who feels misunderstood at times

Willie, okay he;s VERY GOOD LOOKING
we know that . but sometimes i feel like
he thinks he;s the leader of the group
& I feel like, he could possible want to go solo

Q, Last but DEFINITELY not least,
Q is THE perfect boyfriend, i LOVE this dude!
The way he treats Dawn gives me hope for guys<3
He, has his "days" ; but we ALL go through those days
and he is a VITAL member to this group

as for Danity Kane, they are so stupid
they had the WORLD in their hands
& they slip away over pettty shit
they had TWO number one albums
fucking double platitum
AND its a ressicion
Aubrey & D Woods lost sight of the dream
and its a shame <|3

-- Dawn ,
Shes amazing ! I love her style & personality .
She has a GORGEOUS voice & She inspires me <3
I wouldnt want Q to be with anyone else but her .

I wont comment on the rest of DK ;
them bitches are selfish & stupid
do they really think they'll go far with they solo projects;?

Aubrey is a SLUT, who changed so much . yuck
D Woods is officially a video ho, and is probably fucking all the rappers .
Aundrea, just got caught up in all the drama
Shannon, is cool . No beef there <3

Thank you for MTB4 Diddy,
you are truly a genius .

I will miss MTB4
it will live in my heart forever :)

How Do I Feel This Good Sober;?

Im a high school graduate .
I graduated ahead of my 09 class .
I should be ecstatic . But I am not .
Alot of people envy me for it .
But Im not the lucky one ,
I sometimes wish I was still in school .
As dumb as it sounds ,
I miss standing for the national anthem .
I miss the exams, the gossips,
the hugs inbetween classes,
the freestyles at lunch,
the laughs, the tears,
the principal's office
Discipline slips,
Track class,
jumping in the car
and going off campus for lunch
I miss it all .

It's prom season
and everyone's getting ready ,
making plans, getting dresses,
I feel so left out .


I should be taking senior pictures,
ordering my gown and invitations,
just enjoying my senior year .

Im supposed to be making memories
and stressing over Economics exams .

But Im not .
Im working part time
and clubbing part time

I dont want to be grown

I wanna go back,
before alternative school,
when life was good .

Yes, I am starting college in the fall
and yes, I am excited to start a new chapter

But shit . Im still not finished with this one!

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh .

Dear High School,
I will surely miss you xoxo .

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

For My Ladies ;

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship th at's not meant to be.
Slower is better.
Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve
then heck no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
Don 't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself
a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.
He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant,
Why would he treat you any differently?
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.
If something bothers you, speak up.
Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man's behavior. C hange comes from within.
Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has
more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god.
He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else's man.
Oh Lord!? If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
A man wil l only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two-way street.
You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.
Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr.. Right.
Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and you are always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.
Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Share this with other ladies..... You'll make someone SMILE, another
RETHINK her choices, and another woman PREPARE.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate
them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.

Monday, April 20, 2009


elaborate later

too high to type now

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

This is what happens when you smoke Crack .

(Cassie Shaves Head Half-Bald)

I hate how everyone in Hollywood doing drastic changes
and thinking people gun be okay with that shit
Some drastic changes like 808's , im cool with
But some like Lil Wayne "Prom Queen" are fucking retarded

Tsk Tsk .

"When you try to be different,
your just like everyone "trying to be different"
Just Be You ; An original is worth a million times more than it's copies .

Thursday, April 9, 2009

i cried while writing this.

That i will not become any thing like my mother .
That i will not make my daughter feel how my mother makes me feel ;
like a fucking failure who will never make anything of her life
That i will never put a mere boyfriend over my daughter .
That I will not put so many lies into my daughter, that she starts to believe it .
That i will finally be free of this shit .
That i will stop feeling empty inside .
That the tears will eventually stop .
That i will never have to return to this hellhole again .
That i will not succumb to her immaturity .
That i will not let her get the best of me .
That someone, out there understands .

It's fucking sad when your mother puts everything
you own on the backyard lawn at 3am & not a give a fuck if you live or not
Its fucking sad when you have to call 911 to get into your house
It's fucking sad when your 16, sleeping on a park bench , all alone
getting bit up by mosquitos & every sounds scares you to death
Its even fucking sadder when it happens 4 nights in a row
Its fucking sad when you go to school hungry & tired
& the honor/ap classes are so much more than you can handle
and these bitches wont stop fucking with you & talking shit
& adding even more drama to your already chaotic ass life
so you get into fights because you do honestly have problems with anger
and incidentally, end up in alternative school 3 times .
Is fucking sad when you go into the bathroom stall at lunch to cry
Its fucking sad when you cry so much, you cant cry anymore
Its fucking sad when sudicial thoughts run through your head
why the fuck should ending my life ever run through my head?
Its fucking sad when you cant tell your friends anything .
because they would never understand .
Everyone knows you as the go-lucky , happy as shit, party girl .
Big ass house, pool in the back , expensive clothes .?
shit what the fuck else coulda girl ask for ?
how about love , acceptance , happiness ?

I remember when someone called me spolied?
ME? spolied;? ha . i couldnt even ask my mom for $5 .
everything i fucking wear : I BOUGHT .
all my fucking sneakers : I BOUGHT .
not my man, not my siblings, and definitely not my fucking mother .

my mother doesnt give me a ride ANYWHERE
& i sure damn dont ask for one

id rather walk than ride in a car with that crazy witch

Idgaf if my siblings see this .

Im tired of holding this shit back .


I live for me . I die for me .

& I do for me,
since none of the rest of you motherfuckers never will .

Monday, April 6, 2009

The Winner Takes it All . .

I don't wanna talk
About things we've gone through
Though it's hurting me
Now it's history
I've played all my cards
And that's what you've done too
Nothing more to say
No more ace to play

The winner takes it all
The loser standing small
Beside the victory
That's her destiny

I was in your arms
Thinking I belonged there
I figured it made sense
Building me a fence
Building me a home
Thinking I'd be strong there
But I was a fool
Playing by the rules

The gods may throw a dice
Their minds as cold as ice
And someone way down here
Loses someone dear

The winner takes it all
The loser has to fall
It's simple and it's plain
Why should I complain?

But tell me does she kiss
Like I used to kiss you?
Does it feel the same
When she calls your name?
Somewhere deep inside
You must know I miss you
But what can I say?
Rules must be obeyed

The judges will decide
The likes of me abide
Spectators of the show
Always staying low
The game is on again
A lover or a friend
A big thing or a small
The winner takes it all

I don't wanna talk
'Cause it makes me feel sad
And I understand
You've come to shake my hand
I apologize
If it makes you feel bad
Seeing me so tense
No self-confidence
But you see

The winner takes it all
The winner takes it all

The game is on agein
A lover or a friend
A big thing or a small
The winner takes it all
The winner takes it all

Sunday, April 5, 2009

o4 o5 o5

today is me & MRC's 4th year annivesary ,

ill elaborate more later ,

im in a rush .

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Air Yezzy's ;

Today, April 4th is the offical release date for the shoes .
Prices arent even fucking expensive (215$) ;
consdering the fact that Ive spent over 500 on a damn pair of sneakers .

this is my personal favorite pair released to date :

but there are others too also available for retail, like :

More colors will be released as more time passes on

People waited outside for 72 HOURS for these sneakers!

Why are like 15 people out there ; when the store only has 3 pairs?
Over - Hyped ? Maybe . FLY AS FUCK ? defintely.


Active Athlete (Houston, TX)
ALIFE Rivington (LES, NYC)
Beatnic (Fullerton, CA)
Big Mike's (Duncanville, TX)
Blends (San Diego, CA)
Bodega (Boston, MA)
Burn Rubber (Detroit, MI)
Commonwealth DC
Concepts (Boston, MA)
Darkside Initiative (San Francisco, CA)
Dave's Quality Meat (NY, NY)
DTLR (several locations in Baltimore)
Flight Club NY
Footaction (34th St, NYC)
GOODS (Seattle, WA)
House of Hoops Beverly HIlls
House of Hoops Chicago
House of Hoops Harlem
HUF SF (San Francisco, CA)
Kicks/HI (Honolulu, HI)
Leaders 1354 (Chicago, IL)
Livestock (Toronto, Canada)
MAJOR DC (Washington DC)
Millennium Shoes (Inglewood, CA)
Motive807 (Austin, TX)
Nike Sportswear 21 Mercer (NY)
Nike Sportswear Montalban (LA, CA)
Niketown Chicago
Niketown SF (San Francisco, CA)
Niketown LA
Premium Goods (Brooklyn, NY and Houston, TX)
Primitive (Encino, CA)
Proper (Long Beach, CA)
RiFLA (Los Angeles, CA)
Self Conscious (auction - Chicago, IL)
Sheikh's (multiple locations, but most likely SF location)
Shoe Gallery (Miami, FL)
Shop Gentei (Baltimore, MD)
Sports Plus (New Orleans, LA)
St Alfreds (Chicago, IL)
Succezz (auction - Chicago, IL)
UBIQ (Philadelphia, PA)
Undefeated (All locations except Silverlake)
Vault Harlem
Walter's (Atlanta, GA) Young Jeezy Gives away Air Yeezy's from Patrick Fagan(ATL_Dunk-Junkie) on Vimeo.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

high thoughts = sober words.

Tell me every single day how you'll never break my heart
seduce me with your unrealistic promises
get me sky high off your mesmerizing lies

Tell me how im the only one for you
grab my hand ; hold it tight
kiss me with those smooth brown lips

Until . .
The only at 3am phone calls
The brush-off's, the agruments .
These promises we break
These games we play
These hearts we break
These lies we tell

Until . .
He no longer gives a fuck
& Neither do I
The girls you fuck
The tears I cry
Sleepless night
Wondering Why

Break my heart & make it hurt
Let all the insults bang in my head
Make me feel I'd rather be dead

It's been 5 months .
Im tired of pretending .
Im tired of trying to find another you .
Im tired of the loneliness .

But you dont care anymore,
so why the fuck do i still do ?

Im not a princess
This aint no fairy tale
I dont get the happily ever after

Life is real
Boys lie
people cheat
and feelings change .

. . Some people , say it's holding on that makes you strong
But I think No . It's finally knowing when to let go