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Yes, I'll have some videos, and pictures, & some new shit I like every now & then . But Sorry Kiddos - this blog wont be about "what's hot, or new, or instyle" . It wont be center on celebrities & new shit coming out, because honestly I could give less of a fuck . This blog will be centered around my thoughts, my poems, my wishes, my dreams, and my escapes .

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Ranting *

i have so many questions, that I want answered . But I get no answers, and when I finally get an answer - Im just left with more & more questions . Life is a motherfkcing trip . You can go from feeling so high, to so low, to so high again . You can miss someone so much, that it aches your heart, kills your soul, and clouds your mind . & No matter what you try to do - the image of them never leaves your mind . The mary jane & tequila shots do little to forget the memory . In fact , they just make it worse . the memories come . Oh, the fucking memories . A movie here, a song here . Foods, streets . . for some reason - they all remind you a time in your life when you were with him . Memories can kill you, if your not careful . They eat at you . You can be doing something so irrevalent , and a smile flashes in your brain . And you dont understand why . Why aren't you so stuck on the sweet, good guy who would do anything for you & worships the ground you walk on . Why do you have to be stuck on this womanizing , sad excuse for a man . .? Why is it that he never leaves your mind ? Why is it that you cant even escape him in your dreams ? Why is that . . . you're still in love with him . . even after all this time . Even after , he's moved completely on . Questions . So many questions . Left with no answers . Sometimes, you miss him . Some days are bad days . Some days, every fucking song and every fucking word someone says remind you . . of something . Anything . And your left to fake a smile, a laugh . because that's who they know . They know the always -laughing, partying-loving, club-hopping, ganga-smoking, fun-loving, life-of-the-party-girl . . they dont see past the surface . . and why would they? To the naked eye, you seem happy . You seem joyous . You seem confident . . Well, you start to get tired of pretending . . your tears are starting to show, and yout smile is fading away . Why pretend to be happy for these people who dont give a fuck about anyways. Who cares how they see you. They fake as hell , anyways .

Life is not short to be anything but happy .
And even though you did love him ,
you have to admit - you weren't happy .
Yes, there were good times ,
but -You were lonely, you were stressed .

Live life for you .
No one else .
Not your man ,
Not your girl,
Not your mom,
Not your dad,

NOBODY but you
(and God)

Because in the end,
those are the ONLY 2 people
you really going to have .

2 comments:

  1. Hey sweets, I'm sorry you're this heartbroken. I remember feeling so bad about a guy I didnt even date, just some dude I really liked who was a jerk to me...I'm glad that time passed;) Yours will to. another thing I relate to in your post is you saying the only two people you should live for is God and yourself. I often have this "God and I" against the world approach...I'm trying to work on that 'cause I take it to the point of not trusting any/many. Any way girl, I hope you feel better!

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  2. this is good, for a change.

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