He who shall not be named . When I first met you, I never knew I was going to end up like this . When you invited me to your little party you were having . Flirt here & there. Eventually, We started talking . Easing slightly into a relationship that I never saw coming . You were my best friend . Yes, I had my guard up at first . But It all came crumbling down after awhile . But No relationship is perfect . We argued so much, it was ridiculous . Sometimes I hated you so much that I couldn't stand you . Sometimes I swore that I would never talk to you again . Then sometimes I thanked the angels for bringing you into my life . But whenever we were together, it was perfection . Butterflies would collide in my stomach . Being next to you alone gave me shivers . Your arms, they were where I felt safe . happy . accepted . It was more than a physical thing, it was emotional & mental . I told you things, that I had never told anyone else . You were always there for me ; Even though I know I'm not perfect & i can be a bitch sometimes . I remember the song you wrote for me "fuck them other girls, your the only one" . Yes, i still remember . I remember alot . I still remember the day you told me that you loved me . the night before, you had came to my house at 2 in the morning & the didn't leave till 6 in the morning . and NOTHING physical happened. We just laid in my bed, happy to be in each others company . I had on boxers, my hair tied, no makeup on, and you called me "beautiful" and I knew you meant it . For those 4 hours, nothing mattered . There was only me & you in the world . Then the time came for you to go, and I swear my heart broke into two . We didn't get to see each other as much as we liked because you stay on the North side of Houston and I , On the south . Your kisses, they took me to another place . they grabbed at my heart . They were my safe haven . The next morning while I was at work, I received a text message from you saying "Do you love me?" . I was shocked off my ass . I mean, yeah I cared about you alot . But I hadnt used the word love since . . . Carlos . and damn, that was almost 3 years ago . I thought hard about it, Did I love you? No, I didnt . I just cared for you deeply . So I texted back "No, but I care about you ALOT" . Then you texted back "I Love you" . My heart screamed. Could I be dreaming ? Did he just tell me that he loved me? Did he mean it? Is it just trying to say it to get in my pants? So many thoughts surrounded my brain . I felt on Cloud 9 . After a couple weeks, I told you that I loved you, too . Because I did. I had been in alot of relationships before, but none had felt like this. I felt like I could be with you forever, and never look back. But alas, nothing lasts forever . Before we knew it, we were stuck . Stuck in a place of jealously, and lies . Immaturity was a big factor . I just didnt trust you & you just didnt trust me . I played games with you, because that's all I knew . I tried to talk to other boys because I knew you were talking to other girls . Except for me, them boys didnt do shit for me . The whole time I was with them, I was thinking about you . The agruments continued . The good times were forgotten . I stopped taking your bullshit, so You stopped taking mines . The truth came out . you were too busy trying to CHANGE ME, then you didnt have any time to LOVE ME . I cried angry tears . You thought I never cared, shit problem was I cared too much . Way more than you, who didnt even give enough of a fuck to stop talking to other girls . Next thing I knew, we were no more. I was forgotten in the wind & you moved on to other girls . It hurt then, It hurts now . Its been months, but Im still stuck on you . Im not like going CRAZY over you or anything . and i don't think of you too often . Its just every relationship Ive tried to get in after you, these niggas don't compare . They dont do it for me, like you did, I dont understand why . Maybe its because you were the only guy, who just wanted me for me, not for what was in between my legs. Maybe its because I felt like you understood me, at least you pretended to . Obviously, you didn't give a fuck . The "breakup" didnt even phase you . Your too busy getting money & fucking bitches to think about me . Well, shit im still here. Wishing I wasnt . Wishing that I could actually meet a dude that makes me forget all about you . Wishing that I didnt look at every dude & wish they were you . Wishing my heart didnt wish it was you, not these whack ass busters calling me . Wishing that you cared , even a little bit . But I know you dont . I know our whole "relationship" was a JOKE to you . While Im out here, posting blogs and shit , Your out THERE, fucking hella girls saying "KC Who?" . Okay so I couldnt help myself, I just recently got back into contact with you . I talked to my best friend, and she thinks Im stupid to try to get it back . she thinks the past should stay in the past . but she doesnt understand, no one understands except me and you . no one else understands HOW REAL it was for me . who knows what will happen between us .
maybe nothing will happen . maybe we'll both just forget about each other again & not speak in another 20 years . maybe we'll get it right this time . maybe it's just not in the cards for us . or maybe, just maybe ; it's fate & we've both realized how stupid we were being .
either way, only time will tell .