i cried while writing this.

I PRAY ;

That i will not become any thing like my mother .
That i will not make my daughter feel how my mother makes me feel ;
like a fucking failure who will never make anything of her life
That i will never put a mere boyfriend over my daughter .
That I will not put so many lies into my daughter, that she starts to believe it .
That i will finally be free of this shit .
That i will stop feeling empty inside .
That the tears will eventually stop .
That i will never have to return to this hellhole again .
That i will not succumb to her immaturity .
That i will not let her get the best of me .
That someone, out there understands .

It's fucking sad when your mother puts everything
you own on the backyard lawn at 3am & not a give a fuck if you live or not
Its fucking sad when you have to call 911 to get into your house
It's fucking sad when your 16, sleeping on a park bench , all alone
getting bit up by mosquitos & every sounds scares you to death
Its even fucking sadder when it happens 4 nights in a row
Its fucking sad when you go to school hungry & tired
& the honor/ap classes are so much more than you can handle
and these bitches wont stop fucking with you & talking shit
& adding even more drama to your already chaotic ass life
so you get into fights because you do honestly have problems with anger
and incidentally, end up in alternative school 3 times .
Is fucking sad when you go into the bathroom stall at lunch to cry
Its fucking sad when you cry so much, you cant cry anymore
Its fucking sad when sudicial thoughts run through your head
IM BEAUTIFUL, IM YOUNG, AND IM TALENTED !
why the fuck should ending my life ever run through my head?
Its fucking sad when you cant tell your friends anything .
because they would never understand .
Everyone knows you as the go-lucky , happy as shit, party girl .
Big ass house, pool in the back , expensive clothes .?
shit what the fuck else coulda girl ask for ?
how about love , acceptance , happiness ?

I remember when someone called me spolied?
ME? spolied;? ha . i couldnt even ask my mom for $5 .
everything i fucking wear : I BOUGHT .
all my fucking sneakers : I BOUGHT .
not my man, not my siblings, and definitely not my fucking mother .

my mother doesnt give me a ride ANYWHERE
& i sure damn dont ask for one

id rather walk than ride in a car with that crazy witch

Idgaf if my siblings see this .

Im tired of holding this shit back .

FUCK ALL YOUR EXPECTATIONS .

I live for me . I die for me .

& I do for me,
since none of the rest of you motherfuckers never will .